Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

Quote Collection of the Week #5

Posted: November 20, 2010 by jellymann in funny, quotes

I’ve decided to move Quote Collection day to Saturday. It makes more sense.

“Your wife is not necessarily the enemy.” – Riaan Niemand

“This hazelnut drink I ordered tastes far too much like hazelnut.” – Angela Smith

“Thouest in the heavenest.” – Riaan Niemand

“It’ll implode with a small explosion.” – Aubrey Hlongwane

“We will be having morning devisions…” – translator in Hammanskraal

“Hallelujah?” – translator in Hammanskraal

“Frontline news.” – Riaan Niemand

Daniel Smith: “If my liver was a shack, you’d be home.”
Joshua Ball: “You talking to the alcohol there?”

“If peanut butter had a twitter account I’d follow it.” – Sean Finaughty

“I suffice.” – Daniel Smith

“Don’t bite me, I have rabies.” – Sean Finaughty

“There are stuff that happens to people.” – Riaan Niemand

“When people say you are wrongness.” – Riaan Niemand

“Wow, that’s a pretty churchy church.” – Jean Labuschagne

“The power of the wicket is broken.” – Riaan Niemand

“I knew you ’til you were born.” – Piet-Hein van Eeghen

“Why do you have to sleep with someone you see all day?” – Nicholas Leask

“My whole pelvic bone shifted gears.” – Nicholas Leask

“My butt cheek stretched to the biggest limit.” – Nicholas Leask

“Ooh look at him, he’s so flexible.” – Marcel Labuschagne

“How’s this… Since I’ve started running, I’ve gotten fatter!” – Aubrey Hlongwane

“Can I lick your knees while you do that?” – Nicholas Leask

“Are you finished with the exercise? Ok do it again.” – Keanan (Robyn’s nephew)

“That girl has got pretty lips, pity about the rest of her though.” – Riaan Niemand (watching maybeline advert)

“Hey it’s shin-kicking! They’re kicking shins!” – Justin Strehler

“I’ll kill you alive!” – Nicholas Leask

“There’s not a pastor with nothing.” – Nicholas Leask

“It smells like balloon in here… I HATE IT!!” – Aubrey Hlongwane

“How to tame a lion: cut off its head and stick it back on again.” Daniel Smith

“I was raised by English-speaking wolves.” – Ryan Norton

“I’ve seen some noodles floating around the church.” – Robyn Ball

“This place turns you into a monster, like survival of the fittest… hey what’s this knife doing here?” – Thembani Ketse

“It’s the thought that the same.” – Nicholas Leask

“Children under eleven years and other unused household appliances.” – Tuks FM

“Nick your hair looks so fluffy, like a manicured wookie.” – Joshua Ball

“I’ve always been a dry guy.” – Marcel Labuschagne

“I like your MirindaAAAAAAH!!!” – Jacques Schewitz

“Most light-haired-coloured people have orange beards. It makes sense.” – Marcel Labuschagne

“Don’t dice him, loveman!” – Melissa Donaldson

And my favourite:
“I don’t like background music, I like foreground music. It’s like foreplay, but ground music.” – Nicholas Leask

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Quote Collection of the Week #3 and #4 Bumper Edition

Posted: November 13, 2010 by jellymann in funny, quotes

Hey guys

Sorry for the delay. This should have been done yesterday… no wait it should have been done last Friday as well! Oh well, better late than never. This last week didn’t “generate” any good quotes to mention, but the week before that contained a massive amount. Feel free to lol

“I needed someone to blame, and you were the ugliest person around.” – Riaan Niemand

“Hey, guys! I need some juice please. I think my voice is breaking.” – Marcel Labuschagne

“People surprise people.” – Nicholas Leask

“I can’t even function on a thinkable level.” – Robyn Ball

“You said she came with a spiritual fire?” – Marcel Labuschagne

“No ways, I’m not gonna eat your frikken turds!” – Thembani Ketse

“Frikken turds sounds like multiple servings.” – Aubrey Hlongwane

“It’s bound by glue on a piece of ‘nother paper.” – Nicholas Leask (explaining how books are made)

“Are your legs very white, Marcel? Oh, they are.” – David Roebuck

“Dude, have you heard how the English speak English?” – Nicholas Leask

“I’ve bred with moths before.” – Fransie O’Brien

“So Patrick is actually a moth?” – Nicholas Leask

“I just thought of the most interesting statistic in my brain.” – Kurt Schröder

“Ahw man, my brain.” – Brian “Brain” Louw

“Hey, Brian Louw, when you lived in Pinetown, was your name Brian Snow?” – Nicholas Leask

“Nick is really thirsty, GIVE HIM JUICE.” – Nicholas Leask

“Gee vir my julle koppe wanneer julle klaar met hulle is.” – Sean Finaughty

“Did you stick dead ferret hair to your chin?” – Matthew Church

“Dude, Weetbix punches your colon into submission.” – Matthew Church

“Guys, it’s Robyn’s ball’s birthday on the 11th.” – Aubrey Hlongwane

“I had like a fat-ass air bubble stuck in my throat with a lot of juice behind it!” – Thembani Ketse

“Now they’re going to go to people and say ‘I did a plumbing course, now I’m a plumber. I can plumb.'” – Nicholas Leask

“But he got punched really hard hey, the guy concusted him.” – Thembani Ketse

“Dude, did you show someone your mopani worm?” – Nicholas Leask

“The dog went to the shop… Its a superhero dog, okay.” – Nicholas Leask

“Aaah! I hate frikken spiritual gifts!” – Joshua Ball

“Josh started this whole quote thing… I’m gonna punch him in the nose.” – Nicholas Leask

“Obviously I only speak stupid when I’m excited… seriously.” – Nicholas Leask

“Ah c’mon guys, I was just ripping your legs out.” – Nicholas Leask

“Nick is so priceless.” – Joshua Ball

And my favourite:

“Dude, seriously, people were getting shot through the head, and their spinal cages were getting ripped out.” – Nicholas Leask

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Quote Collection of the Week #2

Posted: October 29, 2010 by jellymann in funny, quotes

Hope you enjoy 🙂

“Humans are very weird people.” – Marcel Labuschagne

“When you see someone with amazing talent like that, makes you feel like you should be really good at something, but you’re not.” – Joshua Ball

“All I can hear is everything.” – Daniel Smith

“Ten seconds after minute one.” – Riaan Niemand

“I hate it when people look at me.” – Riaan Niemand

“24-carat gold diamond.” – Daniel Smith

“Craft the finest pizza with exotic tomatoes and the most forbidden cheese.” – MySims Agents on DS

(Am I even allowed to eat that?)

“Stop being a modern-day turkey, listen…” – Nick Leask

Aubrey Hlongwane: “Is is ok if I use this book?”
Carol Dacre: “Yes.”
Aubrey: “Good, ’cause I already have.”

Thembani Ketse: “Hehehe…”
Daniel Smith: “What’s that, Thembani?”
Thembani: “It’s me laughing.”

“We’re pretty much just running programs.” – Nick Leask

“One-horse onion sleigh…” – Nick Leask

“Just he was born and he was Dan.” – Nick Leask

“Indecent Experience.” – Daniel Smith

“Which is probable for the best.” – unknown

“The tertiary pronoun ‘them’.” – Daniel Smith

“Electricity of Demand.” – Piet-Hein van Eeghen

“I doubt it… No, definitely. Yes.” – Julie Smith

“Males and e-males.” – Piet-Hein van Eeghen

And here’s my favourite:
“The food at the party wasn’t good, ’cause I’m feeling sick. Must be that party food.” – Nick Leask

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Quote Collection of the Week #1

Posted: October 22, 2010 by jellymann in funny, quotes

From now on (hopefully), every Friday evening I will be posting all the funny quotes uttered by those around me (and sometimes by me as well) over the past week.

Joshua Ball: “Marcel only marries for freaking looks!”
Nick Leask: “I do that also.”

“What’s all the difference of Psalms?” – Nick Leask

“Sorry guys, it’s getting way to spiritual here for me.” – Nick Leask

“The galaxies and milky lane.” – Nick Leask

“Just this morning, it’s funny, I was reading this morning.” – Nick Leask

“Jellyfishes are jellyfishes.” – Fransie O’Brien

“Magnifying glass enlarges things as a telescope does… or microscope.” – Nick Leask

“When people ask me, what like, finite verbs and that, I just go blank.” – Nick Leask

“Guys, I’m naked if anyone’s wondering.” – Marcel Labuschagne
(i.e. If no one is wondering, he’s not naked.)

“If my heart was a compass, you’d be home.” – Aubrey Hlongwane
(Followed by: “If my house was a home, you’d be a heart”)
(The original lyrics of the song: “If my heart was a house, you’d be home.”)

“I’ve just been cutting ions.” – Taryn O’Brien

“I’m not nice with quotes.” – Alex Strecker

“I, like, break the speed of sound.” – Nick Leask

“Hey guys, I’m in the bathroom, you chops.” – Thembani Ketse

“We didn’t go anywhere, we just went around the corner.” – Daniel Smith

On a Friday night: “Is anyone going to be at school tomorrow?” – Nick Leask

And here’s my favourite:
“How many fishes are in a kilogram?” – Nick Leask